One person

I've only ever had one person notice my anxiety and depression. I'm a very stable person when it comes to who my friends are. I've had the same best friends since elementary school. Nobody in my family every left. My life I extremely stable. But I am not stable inside.
My brother was the one to notice. We were watching a paranormal activity and I kept jumping whenever something would happen. My brother is eight years older than me to he remembers the majority of my childhood. He laughed at my jumpiness but he looked at me and ask "Since when have you been this jumpy?"
I honestly don't remember. I don't know what caused me to be the jumpy, sad, depressed girl I am today. Maybe it was when I developed my shake. The shaking of my hands, arms, and legs. Maybe it was when I had my first heartbreak. Maybe it was when I got cheated on by a guy I wasn't really in love with.
I just remember the ups and downs of it. I don't remember what it felt like before this and if I ever get rid of it I have a feeling I won't remember what this feels like either. But I will sure as hell be terrified of it. This darkness.
I don't think it will ever go away.. I can hope though.

Loneliness

It's only the beginning of March and I'm ready for it to be summer or at least give me a break. I feel like I'm going to snap in half under all the pressure of school and family. I just want to relax. Be happy. I feel lonely. The excuse I tend to use is hormones but I'm honestly lonely. I want somebody to hold me and love me.. I just know that it's to good to be true if I were to find a guy that would give me the time of day. There is nothing special about me. I'm not pretty, not skinny, I have acne, and I just am not the sort of person that a guy would even talk to.
Usually my friends make me feel better but they don't understand the loneliness I'm going through at the moment. The complete an utterly horrible stomach pain of being lone.
The only escape I have are books. I'm feeling the need for a trip to the library. Maybe that would help a little.
I wish I hadn't wrote the but It's how I'm feeling and It's honest. I wish I could appear stable and happy but I'm not.
And I need that out there even if nobody reads this.